Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Mind of a Child

I almost always enjoy seeing life through Jewel’s eyes. Yesterday, on our way home from taking family portraits, Jewel started making this noise in the car. It was terrible. If I had to give it a name, I’d call it Dying Velociraptor. Well, I was already in a bad mood (family portraits, ugh), so I turned around and asked her to stop.

She said, “Why won’t you let me squeak?”

“That noise drives me up the wall.”

She was confused. “But you’re so big. You’re not supposed to be on the ceiling.”

And there you have it. At once both illuminating and ridiculous. I love it! Thomas and I couldn’t help but laugh.

Stories like these bring to mind experiences from my childhood, but as a parent I now see them in a whole new light.

For instance, when I was in elementary school and living in Michigan, I was a Girl Scout. And as a Girl Scout, I was obligated to sell Girl Scout Cookies (Mmm... Thin Mints). So, my best bud, Angela and I would go out door-to-door in my neighborhood and hit up the neighbors for petty cash.

This was a great plan. Until we got to that house. That house, which looked just as innocuous as every other house on the block, was terrifying. That house had... dunh, dunh, dunh... a scary note!

The note said: “Please knock. Kid napping.”

Now, my adult brain goes all calm and rational and says, “Oh. They have a young child who is asleep. I must knock instead of ringing the doorbell.” But my not-calm, not-rational little kid brain said, “AAAHHHHH!!!!! Kidnappers!!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!” And we ran all the way back to the safety of my house and my mom.

Mom laughed, but not too hard. She’s nice like that.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Christmas on the Brain: Santa's Lament

Ever since my Rudolph story, I've had Christmas on the brain. Plus, the TWW Christmas Book needed additional items to fill it up. So I whipped up a short, cheesy Christmas poem. Poetry really isn't my best area, but it's fun for me. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It'll take you about the same amount of time.

Santa’s Lament

My job, it is a hard one
As everybody knows.
For one I’m dressed in velvet
From my cap down to my toes.
Mrs. Claus even makes sure
I’ve got velvet underclothes.
For a chap who’s rather hefty
It’s warm, don’t you suppose?

And then there are the reindeer.
Have you tried to teach them flying?
You know what I call sleigh rides?
Simply terrifying.
We’ve had eight different coaches
All left the North Pole crying.
I even used some magic dust
When I had to give up trying.

But the last straw came last Christmas
When I stopped in Timbuktu.
There’s a boy there named Benlaki
Who was feeling rather blue.
He didn’t want to miss me.
He knew just what to do.
You know what Ben has taught me
That I now relay to you?

Make sure you check for fireworks
Before you hit the flue.